||[Sep. 8th, 2007|04:01 pm]
Never argue with an idiot. The people watching might not know the difference. |
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but giggle when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Experience is something you usually don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you've just made it again.